Bridgett Burrick Brown (00:03.086) Judd is also a friend. He's a fellow speaker. He is a big cheerleader of what we do here at the Beyond Beauty Project. He has put our team here at BBP through some of his frameworks that he facilitates with teams globally. It was incredible. We laughed, we cried, we were inspired and we grew. We have had amazing conversations on his podcast, Behind the Armor. And now I am honored and excited to share my friend with all of you guys today. Thank you so much, Judd, for being here. Judd Shaw (00:40.477) Thanks for having me, Bridget. Always a pleasure. Bridgett Burrick Brown (00:43.808) I know I'm so excited. So I feel like our stories, our journeys are very similar, although, you know, completely different stories. But I think we're going to dive into success a lot today. Perfectionism, some shame around all of that. You hit the pinnacle of success, yet you felt completely unfulfilled. Judd Shaw (00:44.903) Hmm. Bridgett Burrick Brown (01:13.568) and disconnected from yourself. What do you think you thought success was supposed to look like? Judd Shaw (01:21.019) Hmm, what a great question. Thanks so much, Bridget. I grew up with a father who was a famous boxing promoter. And so he's around a lot of masculinity and a lot of that became toxic in that environment. But monkey soup, monkey do, monkey see, monkey do. And so his success is what I was trying to mirror. He had gold Rolexes and Ferraris and fancy things, and he was very showy. And, and I thought that all of that validation met success. And once you get it, you find happiness. And, and so I worked really hard to climb Mount success only to find out when you get to that pinnacle, it can be extremely lonely if you're going there for the wrong reasons. And those were. for all the reasons on the outside, those things that I thought would bring me happiness, only to find out that actually at my most successful, I was actually at my most unhappiest. Bridgett Burrick Brown (02:33.038) Okay, we're going to dive into all of that. So you really thought that success looked like external things, external appearance. Judd Shaw (02:35.558) No, no, Judd Shaw (02:42.673) Yeah, sure. And you know, that's what I think is such a danger that's happening, particularly at least with young men. You have the Mr. Beasts of the world, which are great people. mean, he's developed an incredible YouTube following. What happens is a lot of us look at that and we use that as our guidepost for happiness. That if I can get that, then I will be. And chasing that... is a lost cause. Bridgett Burrick Brown (03:15.2) Yeah. So you spent years chasing this external validation. I would think without knowing you then that your life looked perfect from the outside. Was there a moment when you realized it was never going to be enough? Like what was really happening behind the scenes? Pull like the curtains back for us for a second. Judd Shaw (03:36.893) Hmm. Hmm. You know, it was that every time I would put on this fancy Italian pinstripe suit and the perfect tie, and the perfectly pressed shirt, and the perfectly tailored pants, that veneer that I would show up with at work in the courtroom with clients, that veneer is what... so many people were applauding, that so many people were congratulating for. And so what they were doing was that the more success, the more billboards I was on, the more people that would recognize me, well, that must mean I'm more lovable, I'm more important. And so the walls start caving in on that because people... are actually celebrating your inauthenticity. And so they're rooting for this version of me that's not me. And so then you have to keep that up. And that's because that's when it enters that wheel. Because now I need to keep up this veneer that people are celebrating because now that's the brand, that's the version they see and think of me. Bridgett Burrick Brown (04:49.944) Wow. Judd Shaw (05:05.487) And actually it's the complete opposite. But I, but I couldn't figure out how to shed those masks without worrying about shedding clients. We're losing people who admired me for the, really the wrong reasons. Bridgett Burrick Brown (05:22.08) Wow, you said something so powerful in there. was like, whoa, you said they were celebrating me for my inauthenticity. Judd Shaw (05:32.561) Yeah, right. Bridgett Burrick Brown (05:33.546) Whoa, that's crazy how often that probably happens. Like people like you for the way you look or the clothes you have or the house you have. Judd Shaw (05:39.237) It's true and- Judd Shaw (05:45.961) And then I think a lot of us box ourselves into that image or that identity. And we can't break free from it because I think at least for me, I feared what was on the other side of that. And so I knew that if people were celebrating my success, which actually in turn was really making me lonely, I got lonelier. Bridgett Burrick Brown (06:16.462) Hmm, yeah. Was there a moment that stood out to you or that you can tell us about that you really realized this success, these things, this external veneer is never going to make me feel good enough? Judd Shaw (06:35.589) Yes, there was a moment where I was on a plane flying and it occurred to me that that I just wasn't living the life that I wanted to live. I wasn't living the best version of myself. I wasn't living and showing up the way I wanted to. And instead of taking ownership and agency over what I can intentionally do about that, I fell back into old habits, into coping mechanisms. And I realized that, you know, the minute I landed, I just wanted to go and numb this feeling that I thought about the fact that I had done everything everybody told me to do. I reached the success that my father had achieved on my own. I built my own law firm. I had no help from him. And I ended up with the same gold Rolex and a Ferrari and all of these things that I had worked so hard for. Well, that Bridgett Burrick Brown (07:33.71) Yeah. Judd Shaw (07:44.206) that of that leather wears off in 30 days. You there was no sustainable joy to anything I was doing. And so, the more I got something and the more it wore off, I needed something else. And I got tired. I was exhausted living a lie. I was exhausted holding up the veneer that people saw me and rooting me for. And so, the only thing I knew was to numb this really incredible feeling Bridgett Burrick Brown (07:50.668) Yeah. Bridgett Burrick Brown (08:02.03) Hmm. Bridgett Burrick Brown (08:07.842) Yeah. Judd Shaw (08:14.459) This feeling that was, that shattered, that I was really inside broken. I told myself that. I would say, you're broken. And that's a narrative and belief that I fell into. And so I remember when I landed, I went into a neighborhood and I went on an app and I went and I found crystal methamphetamine. And I hung out in this room and I was doing meth and the feeling went away. Bridgett Burrick Brown (08:28.27) Aww. Judd Shaw (08:45.221) And I realized at that point that I didn't have this feeling of unworthiness. It was numbed. And for the first time in a very long time, I found twisted comfort in that. Like, that's where I found happiness. Bridgett Burrick Brown (09:01.326) Hmm, yeah. Bridgett Burrick Brown (09:06.422) Yeah, you could escape that torture of your mind telling you I'm not good enough. Judd Shaw (09:06.981) And so. Judd Shaw (09:13.981) Totally. Totally. Bridgett Burrick Brown (09:15.447) Yeah. So you've talked about experiencing dark nights of the soul. What did those, although you just said you got some comfort from those moments, I'm assuming that that's what you're referring to. So correct me if I'm wrong, but what do you feel like you have learned from those rock bottom moments? Judd Shaw (09:43.325) I think the rock bottom moment is the time that I learned the most, not only about myself, but what I needed to find sustainable happiness. And it forced me to confront myself. It forced me to look at what was boiling up inside me. And that's when I realized that it wasn't ego and pride. Bridgett Burrick Brown (09:49.646) Yeah. Judd Shaw (10:12.585) It was shame. It was the opposite. It was the shame that I felt about what I was now doing. Bridgett Burrick Brown (10:15.374) Judd Shaw (10:24.369) to feel better, and that I couldn't tell anyone. And shame thrives on that secrecy, the times where we keep things in the dark. And so it thrived. And every night, you know, for long time, I would leave my office and I'd find these methamphetamine dens, you know, I'd go in them, and I couldn't tell anyone now. I couldn't tell anyone that I was hurting and I was struggling and... and that I felt broken inside because now what had taken over was shame. Bridgett Burrick Brown (11:01.282) Yeah, wow. Bridgett Burrick Brown (11:05.579) I like how you said it wasn't ego and pride, was shame. So that moment on the plane. Bridgett Burrick Brown (11:17.848) I'm curious because I know you now and you're just one of like the gems on this earth. What, that moment on the plane or somewhere in there, what did you want the world to see that was Judd? Judd Shaw (11:36.871) Hmm... Me. I wanted the world to see that I was hurting. I wanted the world to see that I was struggling. Bridgett Burrick Brown (11:39.926) What did you, yeah. Bridgett Burrick Brown (11:45.87) Hmm. Judd Shaw (11:50.545) because at home I was enabled by my partner who supported my use and no one at work knew. And I was still doing the same high quality job that I was doing. And so I wanted somebody to see that I was hurting. Bridgett Burrick Brown (11:59.502) Hmm. Bridgett Burrick Brown (12:15.694) Yeah. And if you could answer, I knew that I was more than my external veneer. I was. What would you say? Because I would guess that you would probably say I was love. was. I needed a hug. Judd Shaw (12:41.883) Yeah, I needed to be human. Bridgett Burrick Brown (12:47.15) You need to be human. And you needed to have that human connection that you are so, you're an advocate for now. Judd Shaw (12:51.995) Yes. Judd Shaw (12:56.551) Yeah, you know, ultimately, I was pushing away the very thing I was craving, which was connection. And not only with myself, which the drugs pushed me farther and farther from, but from others. And if I didn't know how to show up authentically, if I didn't know how to step out from my shame, if I didn't know how to connect with another human, I had no chance and I realized that in between being able to do so and not was how vulnerable I was willing to get. Bridgett Burrick Brown (13:37.716) Wow. Wow. Yeah. So we get stuck in that. Yep. So yeah. Okay. I want to unpack that a little bit. So thank you for sharing that story by the way, because I know it's very vulnerable. So you've said that you didn't learn emotional regulation until your forties. What was it like to finally feel in control of your emotions? Judd Shaw (13:43.783) Sure. Bridgett Burrick Brown (14:06.926) for the first time and how do you show up differently professionally and personally? I'd love to hear a little bit too just about your journey to that place. I know you did a lot of inner child work and trauma recovery work. So, dun, dun, dun, dun. Judd Shaw (14:29.821) You know, we'll first set in to a little bit about childhood. I think Gabor Matei says it best. It's not why the drugs, it's why the pain. And I had to go back before I went forward. And I had, you know, I showed up, I remember for therapists on my healing journey for EMDR therapy. Bridgett Burrick Brown (14:46.446) Hmm, yeah. Judd Shaw (14:59.589) And the therapist for the first time said, Judd, you're not a drug addict. You have trauma that's unhealed and you're using drugs to numb it. And so if we can get to the root of the problem, the trauma. Bridgett Burrick Brown (15:10.199) Yeah. Judd Shaw (15:15.937) then you can start to heal it. And so I had to go back to my childhood where I was abused and abandoned and really some dark times. I had tried to commit suicide before I was even a teenager. I had gone to a drug rehabilitation in my young 20s. followed by actually institutionalized at a mental hospital where I was Baker-acted. And I struggled, you know. I struggled because I didn't know how to handle these big emotions that I was having. And I never saw anyone in my circle, my family, my community that I grew up in handling their emotions properly. Bridgett Burrick Brown (16:02.637) Yeah. Judd Shaw (16:14.213) And so I didn't learn how to do it. And then I learned later that actually the emotional regulation, the emotional intelligence that we can show up today is a superpower. It's an absolute superpower. If we're able to take a deep breath and pause for just that, that micro second before, between thinking and acting. Bridgett Burrick Brown (16:17.302) Yeah. Bridgett Burrick Brown (16:40.515) Yeah. Judd Shaw (16:41.645) and also have an awareness of how we're showing up and how I'm showing up to others and how others may be showing up too. I didn't have any of these cues. didn't, you know, I wasn't reading the room for emotions. I was reading the room for the job I had to do, for the success or the objective. And so therefore, when I went to work and I had employee... Bridgett Burrick Brown (16:54.124) Yeah. Bridgett Burrick Brown (17:06.606) Do you think? Judd Shaw (17:10.321) employees around me, maybe one that was struggling themselves and having a hard time. I paid no attention to it. It didn't matter because what mattered was the job at hand. If you got in the way, get out. And then I realized that when I started to show up with empathy towards others who were struggling, do you need a minute? Maybe like step outside this meeting. You don't have to come in today. What do you need from me? How can I support you? Bridgett Burrick Brown (17:19.137) Hmm. Bridgett Burrick Brown (17:35.608) Yeah. Judd Shaw (17:37.957) and then have an awareness of how I may be showing up. For instance, now I can tell my chief operating officer, hey, Chris, I'm having a really bad day today. Can you help me out? I got you, No problem. And so what happened was learning how to control these emotions really meant, one, being able to be aware of how I'm feeling, be vulnerable to be able to express that. Bridgett Burrick Brown (17:49.87) Yeah. Judd Shaw (18:05.661) and also be aware that others have feelings too. And, you know, I had to enter a world as an adult in survival mode. So everything I did was in survival mode, constantly. I became so hypervigilant that I no longer could eat solid foods. I had to blend my food because my nervous system and my gut was so twisted. Bridgett Burrick Brown (18:10.51) Hmm. Bridgett Burrick Brown (18:28.43) Wow. Whoa. Judd Shaw (18:33.159) that I couldn't just put real hard food in my mouth. And so being in that survival mode, it doesn't enable us to show up with emotional intelligence and emotional regulation. You can't. And so first what I had to do was first get out of survival mode. I had to first be able to calm my nervous system, learn about my nervous system, learn about polyvagal. Bridgett Burrick Brown (18:37.517) Yeah. Bridgett Burrick Brown (18:49.537) Yeah. Bridgett Burrick Brown (18:58.466) Mm-hmm. Judd Shaw (19:03.069) about fight or flight, about shutdown. You know, there was times where I would basically enable myself to close my eyes and roll my eyes backwards and take myself into Neverland. I didn't know that what I was doing was actually disassociating. Yeah, and so once I learned about my nervous system, once I learned about... So when I went on my journey, I tried everything. Bridgett Burrick Brown (19:20.246) Yeah, wow, yeah. Judd Shaw (19:32.903) You know, what I would encourage anybody on their healing journey is be open to all the different types of things there are for personal development and try them. Some of them work, some of them don't. I didn't like talk therapy, but I loved EMDR. I didn't like sauna stuff and infrared, but I loved cold therapy and cold plunges. And so, you know, I tried everything for two years. I really went on this transformation. Bridgett Burrick Brown (19:45.175) Yeah. Bridgett Burrick Brown (19:49.592) Yep. Bridgett Burrick Brown (19:56.034) Yeah. Judd Shaw (20:02.171) to understand why I was showing up the way I was showing up and why I felt that I needed those things that would ultimately lead to happiness. And then once I learned about my own emotional regulation and then connect with that person, my inner child, I was able to find out those things that I loved. I found out that I loved yoga. I went last night and it was so great. I don't know, I'm sitting there just rolling around like, you know, happy baby in the corner. Everybody's doing these praying mantis moves and all. can't, but it's compassionate and loving. And so, know, there Judd is, you know, I'm rolling around in the corner. And so I had to find these things to be able to connect with myself. And then once I was able to know who is Judd and what does Judd need, I can then start showing up to the world that way. Bridgett Burrick Brown (20:39.758) Yeah. Bridgett Burrick Brown (20:49.1) Yeah. Bridgett Burrick Brown (20:56.654) You started cultivating a real relationship with yourself. I heard this quote not too long ago. It says refuse to be in a bad relationship with yourself. And that really like it stopped me in my tracks because we can be so concerned about taking care of because it was there a part in your story? I know you showed up and you wanted the job done. Judd Shaw (21:07.754) I love that. Bridgett Burrick Brown (21:26.774) and you had this like external veneer, but was there also this people pleasing part of you? Judd Shaw (21:32.015) Absolutely. A thousand percent. I think one of the parts that helped me with clients so well was that people pleasing was on steroids. And then the other side of that is, you know, the Mr. Nice guy. And, you know, I played those roles because they're inherently tied to the way I saw myself is the way you saw me. Bridgett Burrick Brown (21:43.982) Mm. Judd Shaw (22:03.195) And then when I stopped worrying about how you thought about me. Bridgett Burrick Brown (22:04.046) Mmm. Judd Shaw (22:08.933) And then started thinking about myself in ways that it was like, what is Judd like to eat? What does Judd like to do? And you know, you find this loving thing and I started this thing and I did it with a friend and it worked great. I called it the five for five challenge. And here's what I did. My friend Rich and I did it. And for five days, we just did these five things. That's it. The first one was Bridgett Burrick Brown (22:18.158) Hmm... Yeah. Judd Shaw (22:38.587) we would put a Post-It on our note and we took a picture and we'd send it to each other. And the Post-It had to be a love message to yourself. Bridgett Burrick Brown (22:51.754) What? Very on brand with BBP. Love this. Judd Shaw (22:55.208) Right? So you had to give yourself a love message. The second thing was you had to actually take an action for yourself the same way you would do it for your girlfriend, your partner, your lover, whatever. Right? How would you date yourself if you were in that relationship? Because, you know, I know that when I was in relationships, you know, flowers or cards or, you know, emails and love notes and texts and stuff. And so it's like, how can I do that with myself? How can I fall in love with myself? Bridgett Burrick Brown (23:07.254) Mm-hmm. Bridgett Burrick Brown (23:24.408) Yeah. Judd Shaw (23:24.702) And the third one was an activity, an hour of activity, walking outside, nature, whatever, exercise, gym. Bridgett Burrick Brown (23:34.274) Mm-hmm. Movement. Judd Shaw (23:34.737) The next thing was you had to learn something. Didn't matter what you learned. You know, I learned about, you know, how they make a fake plan. I don't know, you know, whatever, whatever. But we shared this. So we wrote our five for five and we would share it with each other for five days. And right. And the last thing was we're sharing it, was putting it out there for another person to see. And it kept it also accountable. And after five days, Bridgett Burrick Brown (23:45.062) Ha Bridgett Burrick Brown (23:51.732) Love this. Bridgett Burrick Brown (23:59.359) I love that. Judd Shaw (24:03.601) We liked it so much, we did it, we extended it and called it, can we do it for 30 days, our 30 day challenge? And we kept it up and Rich talks about it to this day in some of our conversations later in a way that, wow, what a great way to connect with yourself, really deeply each day and to start to think about yourself in that way, because what you're really doing is you're modeling Bridgett Burrick Brown (24:24.738) Yeah. Judd Shaw (24:32.72) the type of person you want to be. In other words, Brigid, I wasn't empathic in the beginning. You know, I had that small little, I have a little fiddle for you. Like, my life was so bad, I have no empathy for you. But then I learned about the power of empathy and well, what if I want compassion? I need to give compassion. And so what was happening was by telling myself each day for those five days, which turned out to a month, Judd, you're good, just the way you are. You are lovable. I love you. You know, these kinds of messages Bridgett Burrick Brown (24:49.847) Yeah. Bridgett Burrick Brown (25:01.262) Hmm. Judd Shaw (25:01.893) Started to give myself the compassion to develop to myself into a compassionate person. Like I'm not compassionate now, but if I do this, I can become compassionate. It's powerful. Bridgett Burrick Brown (25:13.454) you know, I'm, I'm obsessed with that. That's the cutest thing ever. You need to build that into something. I love it. so a couple of things you said there I thought were really interesting, but one was, I think you said a therapist told you that, Judd, you're not a drug addict. You're trying to numb trauma, right? And I think that so many people can relate to that. Judd Shaw (25:16.623) Hmm. Yeah, right. Bridgett Burrick Brown (25:44.522) who aren't drug addicts like if they're numbing with food they're numbing with alcohol they're numbing with anything shopping so As a man who's navigated vulnerability and shame, what do you think, speaking to men specifically right now, what do you think is really holding men back from openly discussing their self-image, their self-love, their mental health? And how do think we can encourage them to start talking about that more openly? I think it's starting to happen, but with people like you, but... Is there something you think needs to shift? Judd Shaw (26:24.529) Yeah, men, we need to ourselves. We need to realize that we can become vulnerable with each other. Vulnerability is a strength. It's not a weakness. And I always like to say bravery starts in the heart. And I think that when a man can be vulnerable with another man, That's when the masculinity starts to shift from toxic to healthy. That's when we're allowed to express ourselves. We say to men, don't be angry, but be strong. Don't lose your control, but have an aura about you. so, oftentimes, I think men... Bridgett Burrick Brown (26:53.464) Ooooo Judd Shaw (27:15.697) in the world we're growing up in shifts from the boy to manhood without any initiation, without any ability to say, now I become a man. you know, and so without that real deep initiation that happens for women, that doesn't happen for men, we start to look to other men to what manhood looks like. And if we're looking at the wrong role models, we're developing the wrong skill sets to help each other out, to show up for one another, and to be what I believe is the true modern night today, which is a man who is able to be vulnerable, who is able to open up, because real trust is built in that way. Men have a bravado about ourselves that... Bridgett Burrick Brown (27:52.078) Mm-hmm. Bridgett Burrick Brown (28:10.275) Mm-hmm. Judd Shaw (28:14.526) There's a story I'll tell you about this. I have a really, really good, wonderful friend, David Mayer. And my ex had introduced us. And when she was telling me about this guy, who she was friends with his wife, you're going to love him, she says, except he's a real big New York Giants fan. He loves the Giants. And this was the year they won the Super Bowl. And they were going to do a parade and everything. And I was living in New York City. Well, I'm actually preparing to meet this guy. who my ex thinks we're going to be buddy-buddy, and I'm actually reading up about the New York Giants. I don't know anything about them. I didn't even know who the quarterback was. But I knew that I thought that Dave would like me more if I knew about the Giants, if I could, you know, explain that. And, you know, as it turns out, I like reading the news, you know, and all the front side of the newspaper. And so when David and I met, actually, the first time we met, I was quite inauthentic because I'm... Bridgett Burrick Brown (29:05.228) Yeah. Judd Shaw (29:28.509) I'm like, hey, did you see the game with San Francisco? What a game. You know, and it's, I read about it. Bridgett Burrick Brown (29:32.994) Yeah. And you hadn't even watched the game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Judd Shaw (29:36.081) And I had me watch the game and like, here I am trying to develop this relationship with this other guy, thinking that if I come with this angle, we're gonna bond better. And as it turned out, like a couple weeks in, as we're starting to talk and we are starting to kind of like have our own guy moments, right? Talking about our wives and talking about life is whatever. That's when our relationship really blossomed. That's like when it really grew. Bridgett Burrick Brown (29:49.282) Yeah. Judd Shaw (30:05.261) It wasn't in the shallow, the, you know, sport talk moments. It was actually in the moments where we're like, we have three kids the same ages at that time. And, you know, we were able to say like, I don't know, I'm barely holding it together. How are you doing? Yeah, me too. We got like 10%. Okay. And now we happen to be best friends because he likes the back of the newspaper and the New York Post with the sports. And I like the front. Bridgett Burrick Brown (30:24.216) Yeah. Mm-hmm. Judd Shaw (30:34.225) Not because we like the same, you know? And so that's, to me, that's what more men need. My relationship with David Mayer would never have been the same had I stayed as this person that I wanted him to see, as opposed to just really being me. Bridgett Burrick Brown (30:36.293) Yeah, I love that. Bridgett Burrick Brown (30:42.766) Mm-hmm. Bridgett Burrick Brown (30:53.132) Yeah, you know, in your intro, I told everybody that you have six children. so Judd, his sixth child, Judd just had, he has a newborn. Which I know, so your kids are a little bit older, so you're sort of you feel like you're having this like second chance at fatherhood a little bit. What would you want to teach him? Judd Shaw (31:17.17) Yeah, definitely. Bridgett Burrick Brown (31:22.904) when it comes to masculinity. I know he's just a little baby, but if you could just like think of him as a, you know, a young adult. Judd Shaw (31:24.317) Mmm. Judd Shaw (31:37.659) When my first two or three were born, I think the next day I went to work, maybe including the third, because that's what I thought I needed to do. That's what I saw in my father, that my job is a provider. I have no other purpose. That's my job. And so I went and I did my job. Then I thought that I was being a good father and a good man. And I was there from morning to night, missing out on all the moments, the tiny precious moments. And then when other men in my office, other attorneys, would have children of their own, I never thought about giving paternity leave. I didn't give any dad a day off. Because I lit... Bridgett Burrick Brown (32:33.464) Yeah. Judd Shaw (32:37.181) I led like I lived. And I think oftentimes we all lead like we live because that's the narrative or the lens that we see things through. And so I never had the moment to think to give other dads a day with their newborns. And the reason is because I didn't realize that I had an emotional component. I didn't realize that all the time that Bridgett Burrick Brown (32:57.303) Yeah. Judd Shaw (33:06.735) Aside from breastfeeding, there's a lot that I can offer. And now, as you pointed out, it's this opportunity, this blessing to relive these moments. And now I stayed home. I took maternity leave for the first six weeks. He's now just under eight weeks. And for the first six weeks, I stayed home and was there, like in it. Bridgett Burrick Brown (33:22.894) Mm-mm. Judd Shaw (33:35.791) And every, and all night. And I realized how difficult it is. I realized how exhausting and tiring it can be. And I realized how much more moms need support and moms need help. And, and, and, and, dads have something to offer. And so I want my son to grow up knowing that there's so much more than just providing. That his emotions matter. Bridgett Burrick Brown (33:36.514) Mm-hmm. Bridgett Burrick Brown (33:46.591) Yeah. Yes. Yes. Bridgett Burrick Brown (34:03.896) Yeah. Judd Shaw (34:05.447) that his emotions mean something to him and to other people, that there is an incredible emotional value to his humanity. And I believe then he can also help other, you know, boys and men too, because then we start to develop a shift in our society where guys start to look at each other in a different way. Bridgett Burrick Brown (34:31.99) Yeah. thank God for guys like you. We need you guys. We really, really, really do right now, too. That was very sweet. So authenticity is so central to your message. So I want to dive into that a little bit. But reality is we live in this world that's obsessed with achievement and people are left feeling empty inside. If you could just say a couple things you wish more people understood about true success, what would you tell them? Judd Shaw (35:13.073) that it's found in sustainable happiness. Bridgett Burrick Brown (35:17.262) And how do you find sustainable happiness? Judd Shaw (35:19.761) great question. For me, I found it in service to others. That the joy that I was looking for was not in the fine leather trim of a Ferrari. You know, it wasn't found in a big oversized rims of an SUV. It was found when I'm in service of others, when I'm helping others, doing for others. And so I think that's a, there's a core, there's a core element of that in most of recovery programs, right? A lot of times that's in sponsorship and mentoring and they say, you know, helping another addict. And I think that I found that in life itself. I remember when I was leaving rehab, they let you go out with a poem or a quote and they have a song for you. And for me, they... Bridgett Burrick Brown (36:06.337) Yeah. Judd Shaw (36:19.675) they read The Man in the Arena. And the idea behind that was... Judd Shaw (36:31.451) We go into the arena and get dusty and marred and bloodied. And the idea behind it is that's where life takes place. And it takes bravery and courage to go in there. And it's easy for the people in the cheap seats to be judging and shaming and calling out your failures. But I think that success is found in every time we walk out of that arena. Bridgett Burrick Brown (36:52.834) Yeah. Judd Shaw (37:00.765) bruised up and scarred and bloodied. that's where the needle moves. That's where we really start to find. Judd Shaw (37:15.591) to find where our passion, what really moves us. Because what happened was all of those things, right, they wear off very quickly. Material things don't last very long. But the moment of going, you know, when I was living out in California, I would travel out to all of the homeless camps. You know, I bring chips and things of that nature, so much so... Bridgett Burrick Brown (37:20.706) Mm-hmm. Judd Shaw (37:42.577) that I contacted the Newport Police Department and told them that I was going around and I'm looking for more homeless people to go help. And that's because at therapy, when I went out, after they read the man in the arena, the therapist said, Judd, if you want to find that sustainable happiness, go help another person. And so that's what I did. And the police officer said, yeah, you know what, if you go to the Newport police, the Newport bus station, Bridgett Burrick Brown (37:52.174) Aww. Bridgett Burrick Brown (38:03.907) Yeah. Judd Shaw (38:11.715) usually at night because it's well lit, you'll find a lot of homeless people. And so now you can imagine, here I am, and they shared with me that what they actually need is the women need feminine products and men need underwear and socks. And so I went to Target or Walmart and I bought the packs of socks and underwear and I bought boxes of tampons and some other feminine products. And I loaded the... Bridgett Burrick Brown (38:27.31) Mm-hmm. Bridgett Burrick Brown (38:31.085) Yeah. Judd Shaw (38:42.151) you know, my Ferrari. And I drove my Ferrari to this Newport bus station, like 11 o'clock at night. I'm the only car there, no buses, and there's a bunch of, you know, homeless laid out in different areas. And I went around to them, and one woman, I realized I shouldn't walk too close to her, you know, she's not mentally there. And so I left them just on the side. I saw another group. smoking some kind of drugs. I knew that wasn't great for me. So I didn't go too far over. I just told them, hey guys, I have some socks and some underwear I'm gonna leave over here if you want. Some others I walked up to and I started doing this and then I came back and boy, when I looked at my car as I was walking back to it. You know, that's when I realized it wasn't what was in front of me. It was what was right behind me that made me feel that joy. And so I got in my car and I drove back. And the next day I started to go to the Newport Pier that night, and the Balboa Pier. And for weeks I would go from pier to pier and same products. And I put them in my, my cart and I had a electric bike now and I would ride the bike to these piers and I would hand them out. Bridgett Burrick Brown (39:41.43) Hmm... Yeah... Judd Shaw (40:05.091) And I went by JB. I would introduce myself as JB, which are my first initial, my middle initial. And one day, Bridget, when I went to the Balboa Pier, there was a tent. And oftentimes I would introduce myself, hi, I'm JB. I'm just handing out some stuff around. I have some socks here, some chips or things like that. Is there anything you want? And sometimes they would say, leave it outside. or other times they would engage and have a conversation. This particular time, I introduced myself and the guy opens his tent. He says, what did you say your name was? I said, JB. He said, I heard about you. Bridgett Burrick Brown (40:51.758) wow. Judd Shaw (40:53.221) He said, I heard about you from the other peer that you've been handing things out. And I was like, yeah, that's me. He's like, that's cool, JB, I appreciate it. And he put his hand out to shake my hand. And I shook his hand. Bridget, I mean that moment, I found sustainable joy. Bridgett Burrick Brown (41:15.616) Wow. Judd Shaw (41:16.825) I was now known for the right reasons, not for the guy on the billboard. Bridgett Burrick Brown (41:21.292) Hmm. And you are known. that wow, yes. yeah, so bravery starts in the heart. Explain that motto to us a little bit more. You mentioned it a few times. Judd Shaw (41:34.992) Mm. Judd Shaw (41:43.771) I was having this great conversation the other day about what bravery is. And, you know, at my law firm, think bravery is fighting for injustice, right? Fighting against it, fighting for justice, fighting for the injured, against the big insurance giants. And that takes bravery. And then it led to, I started to develop a... children's picture book series called Sterling and the Night. I, ah, there it is. There it is. There's Sterling and Pip, Nugget and Dragon. Yeah, yeah. There's Max Mayer and Jada. You know, I was writing these books and I realized that what I was really doing was writing about this inner child of mine of how I wanted him to show up. Bridgett Burrick Brown (42:21.734) I got them, I got them here. We're gonna talk about these. I mean how cute are these? Judd Shaw (42:41.873) how I would have liked to show up as a child. And through those adventures, I realized that what he was doing was he was coming up from a place of love and compassion and care. And so I thought that each time Sterling made these adventures, in the first book he went to go help a dragon that's hurt. In the second book he goes to help a girl who's... not being treated fairly. And in the third book, he goes and actually tries to find a connection. And in each of those adventures, I realized that what Sterling was doing was he was coming from a place from his heart. That bravery, the place Sterling was showing up with courage, came nothing more than from the heart. And so I started to say that bravery starts in the heart. Bridgett Burrick Brown (43:37.163) Yeah. Judd Shaw (43:40.621) And now, you know, for organizations, I even say leadership starts in the heart. Bridgett Burrick Brown (43:47.318) Yeah. Mm-hmm. Judd Shaw (43:48.445) It means coming from a place of showing up as you are, regardless of how others may think, to go against the trend when you know it's the right thing to do. And I think the most bravest thing that any child or young person can do Bridgett Burrick Brown (43:59.96) Mm-hmm. Bridgett Burrick Brown (44:09.376) Yes, I love that. Judd Shaw (44:17.669) is to tell another person how they're feeling. Bridgett Burrick Brown (44:23.384) Why? Judd Shaw (44:24.689) because it's the only way we can really get connection and help. When we're able to say, I'm really having a hard day or I'm really feeling sad right now, or I'm feeling anger and I don't know how to get it out of my body. When we can teach our children to communicate because they speak with emotions. A four-year-old can't say they have anxiety, but they're like, mommy, my tummy is really hurting me. And so if we can totally... Bridgett Burrick Brown (44:29.358) Absolutely. Bridgett Burrick Brown (44:35.18) Mm-hmm. Bridgett Burrick Brown (44:39.521) Yeah. Bridgett Burrick Brown (44:50.358) Yeah, or they're having a breakdown or tantrum. Yep. Judd Shaw (44:54.491) So if we can help our children communicate by understanding their emotions and being able to verbalize that, think that's also, that's a real courageous and powerful thing to do. That's setting skills to allow our children to grow up as healthy adults, learning those skill sets. And so I think that... Bridgett Burrick Brown (45:11.745) Absolutely. Bridgett Burrick Brown (45:20.833) Yes. Judd Shaw (45:24.719) I feel that that takes bravery to be able to really say, you know, for a kid to walk over to another kid sitting alone at the lunch table and saying, hey, I see nobody else is sitting here. Do you want somebody to sit with? Can I sit with you? Wow, it takes bravery. But imagine the shift what happens not only in the person Bridgett Burrick Brown (45:48.728) Yeah. Hmm. Judd Shaw (45:54.311) who's that love, but for the other person who we may never know is actually hurting more than ever. Bridgett Burrick Brown (46:05.356) Yeah. It's kind of interesting that it takes so much bravery just to be authentic in today's world. I think it's also really beautiful that so many of us are advocating and really showing up as authentic as we can. It's a process, still little by little, but it just shows me that we have a lot of work to do still, to be honest. Judd Shaw (46:11.645) Hmm. Judd Shaw (46:32.925) Totally. Totally. And you know what, Bridget? I think so many of us are wearing masks so long that we don't even know we're wearing them anymore. Or we're just so deeply ingrained in the narrative and belief that we bought into that we just refuse to take it off. Bridgett Burrick Brown (46:34.691) Mm-hmm. Bridgett Burrick Brown (46:43.064) Absolutely. Absolutely. Bridgett Burrick Brown (46:56.386) Yeah, or to see a different way. I always say like, can you be curious? Can you just be curious? Judd Shaw (47:00.221) Tell me more about that. Bridgett Burrick Brown (47:05.038) I think that sometimes we live with sort of our mask and like our blinders on. And if you could just open your world up to curiosity, to just be able to see a different way or to be able to really question like, how am I feeling? Why do I feel this way? Just be curious about everything. I think it starts to unravel some of those masks that are like, clad ironed in there. But it definitely, I think it takes curiosity. Judd Shaw (47:39.665) Hmm, know at the at Beyond Beauty project The organization you guys are really doing such important work and I'm curious No pun intended what when when when Let's start with maybe other women right the other women are showing up that And they are they're putting on an appearance or they're constantly worried about their weight or how their hair is done or something like that. And they have children, right? One of the things that I'm starting to see is that us parents or adults aren't realizing that what we're doing is modeling behavior, that we may not want our children to mirror. And the other part is that we're holding ourselves back from probably truly thriving and even making even deeper Bridgett Burrick Brown (48:28.226) Yes. Judd Shaw (48:38.993) connections. And so when you have clients or when you're seeing people, how do you help them? What's the first step to put it to take net mask off? Bridgett Burrick Brown (48:50.54) I think it's education and awareness. then if they, know, I'll have, I have a lot of girlfriends, you know, I basically grew up in the modeling industry. So a lot of my girlfriends around me or they're actresses or, you know, so there's a lot of people in my close circle that are very concerned about their appearance, I would say. But I'll just kind of like sprinkle a little thought in their mind. They really don't realize it. But I think the more awareness and the more education that I can kind of like get in there, even like slowly, it helps them start to see. I was even with a girlfriend just recently for a weekend and I was talking about filtering. it was the clip from your podcast. And I said, did you see my clip about filters? Because she filters everything. She's like, I've seen one. I've seen one of those that you've done. And I'm like, no, no, no, watch this one. I made her watch it. And she's like, do I do that? I was like, maybe. Like, just think about it because your children are watching. you know, no shame. But I think it's the education and awareness that we have to start with. And then being curious if you can sort of, I always say to them too, look at how much time is being spent. Judd Shaw (50:14.033) Hmm Bridgett Burrick Brown (50:14.802) on the outside. Really look at your day. Look at your week. How much time is it taking up? Are you constantly getting babysitters because you need to go to the cosmetic dermatologist or do this? you, is it taking up most of your day? You're missing out on life. You're living on the sidelines of your life, objectifying your life when you do that constantly. can you shift it? Can you get curious just about shifting it a little bit? Okay, back to you because you started interviewing me. We're finishing up now because it's already 12. Like we can talk forever. Okay, your cure framework. I want you to just talk about that a little bit. I know it really focuses on building these real human connections, which I know that you believe is important for our life and leadership. So explain a little bit about that. Judd Shaw (51:13.349) The frameworks came out of reverse engineering my own healing. The first one was, or is the connection cure. And the connection cure framework, CURE, C-U-R-E, stands for connection, understanding, renew, and expand. What it means is, in order to thrive, I believe, in my experience, the first thing you need to do is have conscious awareness to how you're showing up in the world. So the first one is in order to get that connection, you need to know how you're showing up. And there are lot of reasons for the way we're showing up. And so that's where understanding comes in. Why are you doing that? For instance, for me, I knew that it was the childhood trauma and early mirroring that led me to seek such external validation. And once I understood that, I could start to heal it. And then you go into the R, which is renew. First, renewing the connection with yourself, the five for five challenge or do it for 30 days and really having a deep relationship with yourself. And then being able to renew other connections showing up that way. And then lastly, expanding to your point, how can we teach other people the importance of connection? How can we create new connections? And in the connection cure framework was established Bridgett Burrick Brown (52:37.016) Yeah. Judd Shaw (52:40.605) in order to help individuals who I feel are stuck, who are just where I was, just cannot get a grip on some sustainable joy. They've done everything they can and the happiness, the deep happiness isn't there. The connection cures for them. And then what happened was I reversed engineered the same healing that had taken place at my workplace. When I was able to show up to Chrissy and tell Chrissy, I'm having a hard time and not... Bridgett Burrick Brown (52:58.391) I love that. Judd Shaw (53:09.243) pretend that everything's okay. That's when Chrissy actually and I started our deeper connection because then we started real build truth, trust, honesty, openness. And then she's so, so I started to do that in my workplace. And where I found was the problem in the workplace was at this whole time when I'm showing up hiding my own mistakes and insecurities, I'm indirectly telling my team that they have to hide theirs too. Bridgett Burrick Brown (53:18.35) Hmm. Judd Shaw (53:38.235) And so what I had to do was I had to strip the shame from the workplace. I had to get it out. I had to do that so that my team felt comfortable to raise their hand and to say, Hey, I don't have all the answers. need some collaboration because we can't manage mistakes. You can't manage those mistakes, particularly when they're kept secret. And so in order to flush all of this to the surface, we developed the workplace cure. The workplace cure is connection. Bridgett Burrick Brown (53:38.67) Mm. Bridgett Burrick Brown (53:54.147) Yeah. Bridgett Burrick Brown (54:00.717) Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Judd Shaw (54:07.709) understanding vulnerability, respect, and empowerment. And there in the workplace itself means first, you have to establish connection. In order to create connection that thrives, you have to lead with connection. And then once we understand the power of vulnerability, again, that it's not a weakness, that it's a strength. And the more vulnerable we are with our team, Bridgett Burrick Brown (54:16.078) Mm. Judd Shaw (54:37.585) I'm stuck here. I, I'm spinning my wheels. I can't get anywhere. The more we start to really start to create creativity and results. Totally. Bridgett Burrick Brown (54:48.99) Yeah, innovation. Well, you let them you it sounds like you let your team and you're helping other teams learn how to be human to show up like say I'm going to exist as a real human that has emotions and get stuck sometimes. Judd Shaw (55:05.521) This is an absolute template to allow your team to show up for the reasons they were hired. Bridgett Burrick Brown (55:11.118) Mmm, yep. Bridgett Burrick Brown (55:15.744) I love that. Okay. Anything else that you want to share with us before we finish up? Judd Shaw (55:22.638) No, you were amazing. Bridgett Burrick Brown (55:24.974) Aww. Okay, I one last question for you. Do you still have your Ferrari? Did you get rid of it? Why would you do that? That's what, when I first met you and you're like, I got rid of the yacht and I'm like, why would you do that? We're friends now. Judd Shaw (55:31.429) I don't. I, I, you know what I'm? Judd Shaw (55:40.861) Right? It's nice to have a boat, but it's better to have a friend with a boat. So now I'm looking for the friend with a boat rather than having a boat. Bridgett Burrick Brown (55:46.401) Edd's to- Bridgett Burrick Brown (55:51.18) Okay, let's find the friend with the boat. Okay, tell everybody where they can connect with you and a little bit about what you're offering right now. Because you're doing some great things. So everyone to know. Judd Shaw (56:04.701) Yeah, you know, we that's thank you. We have a hub now We call it like the Judd verse because there's a lot of things that are going on between Keynote speaking and coaching and workshops Lawyering are the kids book and so if you go to judge shot calm That's where you'll find sort of the the gateway and the map to finding all the other things that are happening Also, you can go to sterling the night Bridgett Burrick Brown (56:32.59) Perfect. Judd Shaw (56:33.757) or follow us on social at Judd Shaw Official. We try to put out things that are really for our audience. mean, it's... You won't find it... Here's what I did today. It's really about what we're doing in this ecosystem and then putting it out there for others to be able to learn and develop. Bridgett Burrick Brown (56:59.904) Mm-hmm, you're giving back. Judd Shaw (57:01.063) Hmm, fine enjoy! Bridgett Burrick Brown (57:03.402) I love that you're finding your joy. love that. Thank you so much. We'll share everything that with you guys that he just said. Thank you so much for being here. I love chatting with you. Sorry we talked so long everybody, but it is what it is. Judd Shaw (57:20.935) Bridget, you are amazing and the work at Beyond Beauty Project is really important and I'm just continue to glad to be a part of it. Bridgett Burrick Brown (57:29.72) Thank you. I'll see you soon. Judd Shaw (57:32.125) Bye.