December 2024
How did you break out of the box of perfectionism?
I learned that self-compassion is the only way that I can personally give myself grace within the box of perfectionism. Shifting my inner dialogue, like many of us women, has been an uphill battle my whole life. However, it really began when I started focussing on helping other women around me feel safe in their bodies. I got my massage therapy license and worked with Ayurvedic therapy to cultivate a safe space for my clients to allow any negative pattern to surface and help them release it. This included relieving years of stored trauma within the muscle tissue brought on by self-inflicted emotional or mental pain. Doing so almost forced me to look at myself and changed my habits towards self-love so I could then lead by example.
What advice would you give your younger self about the pressure to be perfect?
I would tell her that the right people will give her love without having to feel as though she needs to please them or be perfect. She doesn't have to perform for love, and she won't have to look like the girls in the movies in order to be loved. She can be safe to be who she is without fear of judgment. Imperfection is beautiful to me now and I wish I could have gotten her to see that earlier, but I am happy that I can show my daughter this and hopefully many of those around me as well.
How has your perception of beauty and success changed over the years?
Starting at the age of 11, I started to wear makeup every day. I wasn't able to leave the house unless I was wearing it. My school didn't allow makeup, and I was sent to the bathroom every day to wash it off, but I still kept wearing it in hopes that maybe that day my teachers wouldn't notice. I was obsessed with being beautiful and thought the only way I could be beautiful would be when I was wearing makeup. This grew into a bigger beast as I grew older, and it turned into a full face of makeup and fake eyelashes. I wouldn't wash my face if I was staying the night at a friend's or with family, so I wouldn't be perceived without being hidden behind makeup. I was embarrassed without it. Almost like I wasn't me anymore. Studying French beauty standards and what makes French women "feel beautiful" really helped me break out of this cycle because they value wearing very little makeup, if any at all. They value using makeup to enhance the beauty that is unique to you rather than using it to change your appearance. I started focusing on what makes me feel good rather than what I think others will find beautiful.
What helps you live authentically?
I see living authentically, almost as if it's not even about me anymore. It's more about challenging what women have been faced with for so long, almost as if it's an act of rebellion. It's about all of us, and I try my best to be a good influence and inspire those around me to love themselves enough to be authentic, too. Self-love feels rebellious to me.
How do you practice self-love?
I practice a lot of yoga and make sure to give myself a spa day every two weeks (at home, I'm not rich haha). I make sure to stop and give myself a lot of rest when I need it and not to let myself feel guilty if I need it more one week than the next. I make sure to listen to my body and give it what it needs, and this also means honoring what makes my younger self happy because she still lives inside of me in a lot of moments. I focus on what I can control and try not to exhaust myself with the rest. Even my self-love practice isn't perfect, but I give myself grace with this, too.
What are ways you honor your body?
Again, yoga is a big way that I honor my body. I also love to dance and run. I am bipolar, so I usually run pretty high with emotions, and moving my body is a manifestation of a healthy release for all the things that are stored internally. I am an artist, and a big way I release things in my body is through very physically demanding mediums of art such as ceramics, stained glass, and large canvas abstract painting. I think it's important to study yourself and not to follow anyone else's routine because everybody is different, and only you can discover what you need with lots of trial and error.
Emmalyn's Socials:
IG: @emmxllyn
LinkedIn: Emmalyn DeMarco
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